Category Archives: Random

Future News: RBI eases withdrawal norms

MUMBAI: On Monday a senior RBI official announced new measures which he said he hopes would potentially and probably ease the suffering suffered by the suffering common sufferer. The new measures came as a huge relief for 7 Indian citizens. This journalist was able to speak with over 50% of these benefited citizens and all of them praised the foresight and compassion shown by the bank and the government, both of whom ironically are called central. 

Among others, some of the measures announced were:

  1. All citizens who don’t have bank accounts will be allowed to open new bank accounts in 3 minutes under the ‘Please bank on us’ scheme and will be immediately allowed to withdraw unlimited amounts of money from any ATM in the country. There will however be a limit on their deposits which is set at ₹100 every 17 seconds. 
  2. All unmarried people who have kids are allowed to withdraw ₹2 lakhs per kid per day provided they can furnish DNA evidence proving they are the parents of the said kid. This resulted in a lot quick Facebook ‘Relationship Status’ updates, however their children have been depressed ever since they were made aware that they will never be allowed to get a passport or any other government identification which requires both Father’s and Mother’s name, until the time the parents marry each other. 
  3. All petrol pumps selling air turbine fuel will accept old and fake notes till 31st March 2019. This is said to be a major relief for all the common men who own cars which work on jet fuel. 
  4. All those holding a salary account with any bank and earning a net income of less than ₹10,000 will be outside all withdrawals limit set till date, provided they have a minimum account balance of ₹2 lakhs and own at least 2 credit cards. This is seen as a direct reward for all in the lower and middle income group who have wholeheartedly embraced digital and electronic banking. 
  5. Anyone living more than 15 kilometers away from the nearest bank branch are allowed to withdraw any amount they desire if their journey to the bank branch was on foot and they can tender such proof.
  6. All previous announcements made by RBI during ‘Rahu Kaalam’ have been revoked. All citizens benefited by these announcements will be investigated on once the auspicious time for all such investigations are announced by the relevant experts.
  7. All citizens who are suffering from serious withdrawal symptoms post the exit of Arnab Goswami from Times Now are allowed withdraw any amount of cash required to cope with their depression. A qualified dentist’s certificate would be necessary. 
  8. All those who take an oath to stop honking while driving are allowed to withdraw ₹25,000 a day and they will be gifted this amount if they uninstall horns from all their vehicles. Bank managers will check the vehicles personally in these cases.

All through Monday there were violent protests by all rich tax payers as they see this as an invasive attack on their evasive practices.

It seemed like stress had taken a toll on Mr. Das as his usually impeccable spectacles looked heavily smudged and his tea-stained tie looked befittingly unfitting. When questioned on the absence of his boss at all public announcements, he said Mr. Patel has been busy signing all the new notes by hand to curb out counterfeiting and honour our soldiers. He then spontaneously started singing the national anthem, visibly moved by the patriotism displayed and sacrifice made by the Governor. Two journalists at the press conference suffered minor injuries. They later disclosed that they were surprised by hearing the national anthem and fearing public displeasure stood up too fast, the movement causing whiplash in their neck and back. They’ve been prescribed painkillers and balm but they said they don’t have cash to pay for the medicine.

Redevelopment of a home to a house

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As a metropolis, there is never enough space in Mumbai. The city of dreams. Everyone wants to buy a house in this city. As a result, a lot of old buildings are brought down to be ‘redeveloped’ into large swanky skyscrapers. The flat owners love it as they make a neat sum and get a larger home. The developer makes a large bundle of money. This is one such building that awaits demolition. None of the residents who called this their home are inside. I wonder what these walls, now on death row, that once kept them and their kids safe would say. The memories the families shared outside their doors as they greeted each other when they met on the stairs. The festivals they celebrated within these compounds. The things they did that defines this city – helped each other. Well, they’ll all be back in a couple of years, with big smiles. There will be new walls then, they’ll keep them safe too.

They trades their homes for a bigger house. Then they move into the reconstructed building, and piece by piece reconstruct their home inside the new walls using old and new memories as the brick and mortar. The house becomes a home again. And hopefully as good as the old one.

Brilliant idea for your next party

 

I made some ersatz Power Cards for the Comic Expo way back — we gave away hundreds. I even got some semi-famous people to fill ‘em in.

Get your own here.

This is an absolutely awesome idea for your next home party. Get your friends to fill in the card front and back and use it as name tags. Great ice-breaker!

Go! Party!

The Shakespeare Insult kit

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Thou tottering tardy-gaited puttock!

The dangers of texting and driving [infographic]

 

It takes only seconds to send a text. That might not seem like a long time, but when your eyes are off the road and focused on your phone, the consequences can be deadly.

 

Don’t do it.

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Earth Hour

It is 20.30 as I begin to write this and Earth Hour has begun. 

I fail to understand the concept of Earth Hour. I mean, I do understand the what and the why, but I don't understand why they are still keeping at it. It has obviously failed miserably.

The prime objective of the Earth Hour is to increase awareness and sensitize the populace regarding the damage they are causing to the environment. The objective is not to save electricity for one hour all over the world. However, what it has become, is a facade for pseudo-environmentalists to show they care. Earth Hour is to everyone, what a Toyata Prius is to Hollywood. Non-vegetarian Hindus all over the world pick a day of the week to eat only vegetarian food. They believe God will be pleased by this sacrifice they make. What about the other 6 days?

I take environmental damage very seriously. My friends and colleagues will vouch for my OCDish behaviour regarding this. I do my bit for the environment all year round. I honestly do. And it is not difficult. However, I chose this hour to switch on my laptop and write this post. I believe it can benefit the environment much more if even one reader gets inspired.

It looks beautiful when the Opera House in Sydney, the Eiffel Tower in Paris and other landmarks such as these participate in it. But has this served the purpose? Does the amount of energy and money used to publicise Earth Hour, generate an equivalent amount of return on reduced damage to the environment? I do not say stop this facade. I say find a better way.

Here is an idea for Earth Hour, don't tell people to switch of stuff at this hour. Tell everyone to switch on their laptops and PCs exactly at this hour and GOOGLE Earth Hour. Make Google show only pages about the Earth Hour for this one hour. Force people to read. Blanket all TV channels with hour long documentaries. Force people to know. Grab them and push it down their throats. Force them to discuss. It is the only way.

The problem with us humans is, we are not human enough.

Most epic motivational speech ever!

I wish I could meet this kid and talk to him. I wish I was this kid. I wish my kid is like this!

Thumbs up!

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